Letters
by Feather
Summary: *twinsy* Romance, Lily/James///Dear James, I'm just sitting here, thinking of you...


Title- Letters

Author- Feather

Category- Harry Potter

Rating- G-PG

Genre- Romance/General

Pairing- Lily/James

Author's notes- This is my first-ever Lily/James! I got the idea from who knows where, where most of my inspirations tend to come from, but I am happy to get out of this funk I've been in for a while, and start writing again! **This is Lily/James**, and no, sorry, no love-hate, but that's been so overly clichéd it's ridiculous. Sorry! I also want to thank Rouge Magie and my other reviewers, you're all so sweet! Thank you, love you all! ~ Feather =^-^=

~

_Dear James,_

I'm just sitting here, thinking of you. I don't really know what to think about you, you always are changing right before my eyes. I think that I might have done something to you, and I'm sorry; I can't help it. I love you just the way you are, and I don't want to change that smile in your eyes, the way you look at me as though I'm the only person in the world, the way you can look at our tiny son and whisper to him, such love in your eyes. It is completely breathtaking, the way you've become such a loving person, and I want to cry because you've changed yourself for me so much.

I used to wonder how you could be such a hateful person. No, hateful is not the word, but so stoic and so cold. None of your stone façades could silence that love in my heart, though, and you knew that all too well. You used to look at me, and you'd almost smile, and I would soar. But you'd crash me down again, by quickly changing that into a smirk, and I would fall only harder back to the ground.

Those long years wore at my heart, and I thought that you'd never think of me in any way other than a pest. I soon came to learn that you don't know how to show emotion any other way, or you didn't at least until we had Harry. I can't explain the way that I feel when you hold our son, the way you look at him with such a love in your eyes. I've changed you, I can feel it, and once again I'm sorry, because you hate weakness and vulnerability. But isn't this worth it, when you just look at tiny Harry and hear the way he laughs? There's something about him that reminds me of you, that serious look in his eyes as he observes the world with a careful perfection that one couldn't expect any less of from your son. Just the way that we can be happy like this is worth all the pain that could come, and I can't imagine being happier with anyone other than you.

And as I'm writing this, you are somewhere, with one of your friends, I'm guessing. You always hold them so close in your heart and to you with such a fierce passion, that you can't bear to lose them. I know it pains you that your parents died when you were so young, but I can't erase the past, and can only wish that I could bear all those sorrows that still pass behind your eyes. You are so strong but so unsure of yourself, and I know that, too.

I just hope that one day you'll forgive me, and yourself. We all have those demons inside that tear down our perfection, and you are no exception; you are much too swift to damage your esteem, and just as swift not to praise yourself for the good you've done. I don't know why I am even writing this letter to you, but I remember the way I used to pass notes in school with you, though you'd not reply back hastily, or even at all sometimes. I just want to say I love you, even though we're married and I can whisper to you at nights, send you to work in the morning with a kiss, and at dinner just be with you.

I wish I could write down all my memories to you, all the things that we've done. I can remember our first kiss, that pale, creamy night at the lake in our sixth year, the first time I saw you, your dark eyes locking mind. I have nothing else to offer you but myself and my memories, now, and I hope again that you can accept my love wholly. I know that you love me, but I feel guilty sometimes that I could have changed you, you were perfect the way you were. I've given you vulnerability, because without you I wouldn't be complete, and without me you would feel the same. And Harry, we love him so much, such a deep power running through our veins right to our heart.

I've changed you. I love you all the same, but I want you to forgive me. I want to say I'm sorry. I just hope that you can look at me the same way again, though I know that something as feeble as this could not easily change your mind, the iron, mathematical, entirely-yet-wonderfully logical part of your brain not whimsing your will in the slightest. But I trust that you'd tell me if something was wrong.

Love always, Lil

Lily sealed the letter slowly with wax, pacing a bit as she quickly wrote James' name on the front of the letter. It was almost five o'clock, and he would be due home soon enough, in an hour or so. She had no clue why there was a fluttering in her chest, the subtle but deep pangs of nervousness wearing at her nerves. _This isn't chaste-maid, like when we were young and in school, you know_, Lily said to herself, scolding her thoughts harshly the sheer stupidity.

She busied herself with washing the dishes, the Muggle way, of course, even though she could have more quickly done it with magic. This took about an hour, as she was in no particular hurry, and had to pause for about twenty minutes' time to feed Harry. It neared six, and Lily started to grow worried.

__

They're probably at Three Broomsticks again, Lily thought, sighing with dismay. With a faint disapproval, she started to assemble ingredients for dinner, another Muggle habit. There was, however, the matter of pride at being able to survive without magic that she furiously protected, and started a simple salad and pasta meal.

This exploit took longer, and there was an unexplainable apprehension gnawing at the fringes of conscious, and as seven dawned and seven thirty passed, it grew. The light meal grew cold on the table, and Lily again started to pace. What could be taking James so long? There certainly couldn't be trouble; James was fully adept in combat skills and knew more than most about defenses against charms and such.

Heart pounding, she jumped at the slightest noises. _ You silly girl, you're growing so paranoid,_ she thought, and again despaired at her sudden moral weakness. However, she weighed the odds of a break-in. She was female, alone with a child, and would more than willingly give her life for him; but even then, after disarming her with magic, someone could still get at Harry. Such a deep passion ran through her veins at the protection of Harry, and she loved him with all her heart and more. But if she died, someone could still kill him. She had her wand, but there could be a group. As Lily started to collect the dishes, she looked for Harry, and was relieved to find him captivated by a simple block in the dining room.

A faint click echoed through the front hall. Someone could have gotten in. Though their locking and protection charms were fairly complex, a wizard worth his worth would at least know how to get past the first few. Footsteps walked heavily and slowly down the hall. Frantically searching for some protection, Lily grabbed a frying pan and her wand.

As a figure entered the kitchen and flipped on the lights, Lily hurled the pan at the entering person. Shocked, James pulled off his cloak and with lighting-quick reflexes caught the pan. "Are you mad, Lils?" he asked softly, looking at his wife with utter bewilderment.

Lily laughed, and collapsed into a chair. "It's only you, James. I thought…thought it could be someone else. I don't know with all those funny things happening these days, it was silly of me, but...I was worried about Harry, that's all." James smiled at his wife and crossed the room quickly, holding her arms and pulling her out of her chair, kissing her cheeks lightly, and looking at her with concern.

"Nothing will hurt you, Lil, not while I can breathe." He let go, smiling, yet still concernedly, and looked at the table. "My feast, it's cold! Alas, I had eaten already with Remus and Sirius, you shouldn't have bothered. But what's this?" He picked up the note, and examined it carefully. "It's not our anniversary, is it Lily-my-love?"

She shook her head, and turned away as he read the note. Softly, he turned her head towards him, such an intense emotion and love running through his eyes. "Oh, Lily..." his voice broke with emotion, and he stopped. She started to speak, but he put a finger to her lips. "Don't do anything, just...just be with me, Lily." She found her way into his embrace and met his lips in a kiss. He pulled away, smiling. "It's all right Lils," he said as she sobbed gently into his shoulder, "I changed for you, not because of you... and I can't say I've ever been happier."

She looked at him, pulled away. "Positive?"

He smiled again, and drew her back into the warm circle of his arms. "I wouldn't change anything in the world, I have everything I want. I'm the luckiest man alive, Lils, and as long as I have you and Harry, well, it's more than I could ever have dreamed of." Whispering softly nothing particular into her ear, he kissed her again, and she smiled as his lips met hers.

~ Fini

Closing notes: My first Lily/James! Hopefully, you enjoyed it! Yay! Have a wonderful day. Ja ne! ~ Feather =^-^=

Disclaimers: I do not claim to own Harry Potter or any related works.


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